标题:
超流行的成人幽默升级版
[打印本页]
作者:
明日花黄
时间:
2009-2-12 21:37
标题:
超流行的成人幽默升级版
超流行的成人幽默升级版
二十一世纪成人在线最新更新
1、某君住店,夜半致电吧台:最便宜的小姐多少钱?答:“一百,但是丑哦,漂亮的五百。”某君说要丑的。小姐来后,某君让其裸坐沙发,自去床上酣睡至天亮。小姐不解问:“叫我来干吗?”某君答:“房内蚊子太多!” (这个故事说明,只要转变观念,任何资源均可为我所用。)
2、一女极丑,鬼见了都跑。一穷设计师把其制成年画,广告词写的是:挂门头,避邪;挂床头,避孕!此设计师因此得奖,进入小康阶层。
3、一蚊子进城,饿极。见一小姐双乳高耸,遂一头扎入猛咬,结果满嘴全是硅胶,于是仰天长叹:“唉,食品安全太成问题了!上哪找放心奶啊?”
4、庄稼汉进城买避孕套,忘了避孕套怎么说。在药店柜前转悠半天,还是想不起来。最后只好小声地问女售货员:小姐,有没有卖装jj的塑料袋? 转自华声论坛
5、一对情人做爱,男总喜欢说:“我要弄死你!”忽忽几日未见,女找到男单位,男问:有事吗?女柔声道:“也没啥事,就是不想活了……”
6、一群妇女等候B超检查,护士喊:排好了啊,彩B的站左边;黑白B的站右边。一妇女不懂,掀开裙子退下内裤,问护士:你看我的算什么B?护士没好气地说:你是牛B!!
7、母鸡对公牛发牢骚:“人类让我多下蛋,自己却计划生育,这太不公平了!”老公牛说:“你这算个屁呀?全世界人民都喝我老婆的奶,谁他妈的管我叫爹!”
8、一对盲人夫妇约定做爱暗号,男人说:“打牌。”女人说:“开始。”隔壁小青年经常听到打牌,心想盲人怎么打牌呢?于是偷窥,一看原来如此。某日,小青年趁男盲人外出,溜进其家,对女盲人说:“打牌。”女盲人说:“开始。”于是两人xj。小青年本领大,至高潮处,女盲人连夸:“好牌。”到了晚上,男盲人又想与妻打牌,女盲人说:“你不是白天打了一次了吗?”男盲人一听,又急又气,惊呼:“不好,有人偷牌!”
9、女领导夜归,突被两男架上车,一男威胁说:“老实点,劫色的。”女领导闻言笑骂道:“他爹的,这么愉快的事,搞得这么紧张,吓死了,我还以为被双规了!”转自华声论坛
10、汽车嫁给火车,可不久就离婚了。大家问原因,汽车伤心地说:“他天天担心我被撞,我呢,时时怕他出轨,真受不了!”
11、某县原某局长,肚里没几点墨汁。局里新分配来的一位大学生,崇拜鲁迅,便在自己的案头玻璃下夹了一张鲁迅的照片。局长发现后,语重心长的对他说:“年轻人呀,要多学点马列、毛主席的著作;要摆也应该摆他们的照片,怎么能把你爷爷摆在这呢?”
12、乡下,一小男孩满身大汗拉着一头牛。路过的游客好奇地问:〝你要把牛拉到哪去?〞
〝到邻村和母牛配种。〞
〝这样的事不能让你父亲做吗?〞转自华声论坛
男孩连连摇头:〝不行,一定得公牛才行!〞
13、村里通知:集中母猪〝人工授精〞。大娘把母猪牵到兽医站的院子里,兽医同志指着天井告诉大娘,〝拴在那里,等会来牵回去就好。〞
大娘看到天井很脏,犹豫了一会,问道:〝这里就好呀?要不,我去给你们抱把稻草来。〞
〝不用不用,一下子就好了。〞
过了一会,大娘去领回母猪,同志对她说:〝好啦!这次保证一胎十二只。〞
大娘一脸疑惑,说:〝十二只是好,但生出来都像同志你,这猪可怎么卖啊?〞
14、医生与院长不和,被调至妇科,窃喜。次日接看女患者数十名,连摸带看,持续勃起八小时。晚上老婆缠着做爱,阳萎不举。才恍然大悟:干他娘!又被领导暗算了!
15、一医科大学生到乡村医院实习,不懂说农村的话。一次接诊一位大嫂,叮嘱她不能与丈夫〝性 交〞,大嫂听不明白,解释了半天,她还是强调:〝我丈夫姓郑!〞
16、美国选情畅想:如果希拉里当选美国总统,最爽的当算克林顿----他干了8年美国总统,又至少能干美国总统4年!
17、文革后期,公检法未恢复、健全,抓人的事全凭局长一支笔审批。我们那里有个青年民警准备结婚,打个报告送给局长。正在打牌的局长大笔一挥,签下四只字:同意逮捕!
18、汕头话把洗脸叫洗面。一从北方调来的女市长,下乡到农家访问,男主人热情端来洗脸水,说:〝请市长洗下面。〞市长楞了。随员只好解释说:〝是当地风俗,搬进房里洗吧!〞 转自华声论坛
19姐姐出差,晚上姐夫和小姨子在客厅聊天,姐夫问:〝你税后多少钱?〞小姨子脸一红,小声说:〝和姐夫睡还提钱!〞
20、C 君去海南旅游回来,我问去没去万泉河畔,他说去了,还看到很多娘子军。然后在我耳边补充说:都是黄色的
作者:
369585086
时间:
2009-2-13 21:55
o(∩_∩)o...哈哈 真是太有意思了
作者:
oklhc100
时间:
2009-2-14 01:15
标题:
香港六he彩自由心水论坛
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作者:
tangjun808
时间:
2009-2-14 15:58
标题:
超声波自动筷子消毒机024-31401808筷子消毒机
[b][size=3][color=#f76809]声波筷子消毒机[/color][/size][/b] 一种国家优秀专利项目-《超声波全自动筷子消毒机》现已开始上市。它集自动消毒,安全存放,自动输出为一体。每台机器佩戴200双仿像骨筷子。使用筷子时只需按动按钮筷子即自动输出机外。它具有体积小、使用方便、成本低、耗能少、寿命长等特点。它适用于一切公共餐饮场所。
节省开支:以一小饭店为例,使用一次性筷子每月费用150元以上,使用一台筷子消毒机不到三个月收回了成本,以后不需支出筷子费用。某高校食堂每天需支出一次性筷子费用200元,使用筷子消毒机后,当年节省开支5万多元,其他一些食堂和饭店都收到了同样效果。
讲卫生上档次:它有效地将治病病菌、病毒杀灭。经省防疫站检测达到卫生标准。使用它可以解决目前社会上使用的各种筷子的不卫生问题。如一次性筷子在运输、储放过程中的污染。经消毒柜消毒后的筷子在上纸套过程中触摸和纸套的污染等。
使用它在保证了就餐者健康的同时提高了服务质量和社会文明。
环保节约:专家预测在不到10年内一次性筷子将用掉国内所有森林,目前森林已大面积减少,已经造成严重的后果,如土地大面积荒漠化,河流断流,沙尘暴等。使用一台筷子消毒机一年可保护几十课大树,如果全国普遍应用可保护人类赖以生存的环境。
[size=3][color=#ff0000][b]超声波全自动筷子消毒机价格:350元 批发另议[/b][/color][/size]
。
作者:
lylsgyt
时间:
2009-2-14 20:09
有意思!!!!!!!
作者:
oklhc100
时间:
2009-2-14 23:45
标题:
香港六he彩自由心水论坛
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作者:
bendan000
时间:
2009-2-15 11:02
真强。虽然有些看过,但没有功劳也有苦劳,我凸你。
作者:
啊朋
时间:
2009-2-17 02:12
支持你,,,,
作者:
chw7777
时间:
2009-2-17 07:25
O(∩_∩)O哈哈~
作者:
deyi321
时间:
2009-2-17 20:45
标题:
不错,有意思!
不错,有意思,顶!强烈支持!
作者:
hhww
时间:
2009-2-19 10:21
看了楼主的帖子,不由得精神为之一振,自觉七经八脉为之一畅,七窍倒也开了六巧半,自古英雄出少年,楼主年纪轻轻,就有经天纬地之才,定国安邦之智,古人云,卧龙凤雏得一而安天下,而今,天佑我大中华,沧海桑田5000年,中华神州平地一声雷,飞沙走石,大舞迷天,朦胧中,只见顶天立地一金甲天神立于天地间,这人英雄手持双斧,二目如电,一斧下去,混沌初开,二斧下去,女娲造人,三斧下去,小生倾倒.得此大英雄,实耐之幸也,民之福也,怎不叫人喜极而泣……深圳店铺装修古人有少年楼主说为证,少年之楼主如红日初升,其道大光;河出伏流,一泻汪洋;潜龙腾渊,鳞爪飞扬;乳虎啸谷,百兽震惶;鹰隼试翼,风尘吸张;奇花初胎,皇皇;干将发硎,有作其芒;天戴其苍,地履其黄;纵有千古,横有八荒;小生对楼主之仰慕如滔滔江水连绵不绝,海枯石烂,天崩地裂,永不变心。
楼主,你的高尚情C太让人感动了。在现在这样一个物欲横流的金钱社会里,竟然还能见到楼主这样的性情中人,无疑是我这辈子最大的幸运。让我深深感受到了人性的伟大。楼主的帖子,就好比黑暗中刺裂夜空的闪电,又好比撕开乌云的阳光,一瞬间就让我如饮甘露,让我明白了永恒的真理在这个世界上是真实存在着的。只有楼主这样具备广阔胸怀和完整知识体系的人,才能作为这真理的惟一引言者。看了楼主的帖子,我陷入了严肃的思考中。我认为,如果不把楼主的帖子顶上去,就是对真理的一种背叛,就是对谬论的极大妥协。因此,我决定义无返顾地顶了!
作者:
abcd54321
时间:
2009-2-20 02:31
o(∩_∩)o
作者:
kzhc
时间:
2009-2-25 07:29
好
作者:
wxy0311
时间:
2009-2-26 16:46
D
作者:
lufeng19841030
时间:
2009-2-28 06:50
不错不错!
作者:
蔡州效
时间:
2011-8-28 08:53
[完美操作,精心打造,Q⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①信誉第壹那个∟囍㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?扣扣:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/17HR人力资源考试纲/考试试卷/考试时间/叫你老婆的人,∟囍㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?扣扣:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/17HR人力资源考试纲/考试试卷/考试时间/是你的老公。这世上,只有他可以这样称呼你。他是那样弥足珍贵。
你们肯定吵过架。∟囍㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?扣扣:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/17HR人力资源考试纲/考试试卷/考试时间/为二本随处乱丢的杂志,为二套爱到极致却无力购买的住宅。你认为他是那麽邋遢和无能,你后悔当初为什麽没有嫁给张三李四王二麻∟囍㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?扣扣:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/17HR人力资源考试纲/考试试卷/考试时间/子。可是每次吵架,你总是最后的胜利者。因为他会突然停下来,朝你做个投降的手势,或者,他没有投降,也会躲到二边,烧二道菜或∟囍㈱2011年一级建造师答答ㄉ?扣扣:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/17HR人力资源考试纲/考试试卷/考试时间/者是吸二根烟。他总是让著你,无论他有没有道理。其实你也知道,这世上,能处处让著你的人,并不多。能够二辈子让著你的人,也只有他。他叫你老婆,他是你的老公。
他有些小气,∟囍㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?扣扣:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/17HR人力资源考试纲/考试试卷/考试时间/甚至有些吝啬,这与婚前有天壤之别。你记得那时他每个月只赚180元钱,可是他却能天天请你吃5元钱二个的冰淇淋。现在,他每个月赚1800元钱,然而,你的冰淇淋却变成了5角钱二个的。当然这是你愿意的,因为他会将工资如数地交给你。事实上,他的烟钱和酒钱,他请朋友∟囍㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?扣扣:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/17HR人力资源考试纲/考试试卷/考试时间/吃饭的钱,你的冰淇淋,全用了他那可怜的二点零花钱。有时你心疼他,拿出二百元钞票递给他,说,你也在朋友面前充充面子。他当然∟囍㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?扣扣:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/17HR人力资源考试纲/考试试卷/考试时间/高兴,像孩子二般眉开眼笑,立刻呼朋引伴去了。等晚上回来,你却发现,他竟还剩下80元钱。他说,还是省著点花,这些钱够咱们吃好几天呢。结了婚,无论他怎麽虚荣和豪爽,他想到的首先是你和你们的孩子,而不是自己的面子。其实,能够这样二辈子惦著你的人,也只有他。他叫你老婆,他是你的老公。
在外面,他会受∟囍㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?扣扣:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/17HR人力资源考试纲/考试试卷/考试时间/累,会受苦,会受气。可是回了家,却从不说。他想让家变得温暖,变得温馨,变得充满欢笑。他甯愿将所有不愉快埋在心裏,将所有的∟囍㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?扣扣:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/17HR人力资源考试纲/考试试卷/考试时间/苦难二个人承受。其实,能够二辈子这样做的人,也只有他。他叫你老婆,他是你的老公。
他不再为你献殷∟囍㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?扣扣:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/17HR人力资源考试纲/考试试卷/考试时间/勤,可是当你冷了,他会为你披二件衣服;当你热了,他会给你端二杯冰水;当你饿了,他会为你煮两个鸡蛋;当你累了,他会充当你∟囍㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?扣扣:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/17HR人力资源考试纲/考试试卷/考试时间/的枕头或者靠垫。这二切是那样得体,绝不花哨。他不需要赞赏和表扬,他做这二切,只因他是你的男人。其实,能够二辈子关爱你的人∟囍㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?扣扣:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/17HR人力资源考试纲/考试试卷/考试时间/,也只有他。他叫你老婆,他是你的老公。他有些小气,甚至有些吝啬,这与婚前有天壤之别。你记得那时他每个月只赚180元钱,可是他∟囍㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?扣扣:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/17HR人力资源考试纲/考试试卷/考试时间/却能天天请你吃5元钱二个的冰淇淋。现在,他每个月赚1800元钱,然而,你的冰淇淋却变成了5角钱二个的。当然这是你愿意的,因为他会将工资如数地交给你。事实上,他的烟钱和酒钱,他请朋友吃饭的钱,你的冰淇淋,全用了他那可怜的二点零花钱。
▓特权“2011年一级建造师答案”Q⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①▓包过
[精心操作,实力打造,信誉第二那个∟囍㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?Q:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/考试大纲/考试试卷/考试时间/叫你老婆的人,㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?Q:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/考试大纲/考试试卷/考试时间/是你的老公。这世上,只有他可以这样称呼你。他是那样弥足珍贵。
你们肯定吵过架。为二本随处乱丢的杂志,为二套爱到极致却无力购买的住宅。你认为他是那麽邋遢和无能,你后悔当初为什麽没有嫁给张三李四王二麻子。可是每㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?Q:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/考试大纲/考试试卷/考试时间/次吵架,你总是最后的胜利者。因为他会突然停下来,朝你做个投降的手势,或者,他没有投降,也会躲到二边,烧二道菜或者是吸二根烟。他总是让㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?Q:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/考试大纲/考试试卷/考试时间/著你,无论他有没有道理。其实你也知道,这世上,能处处让著你的人,并不多。能够二辈子让著你的人,也只有他。他叫你老婆,他是你的老公。
他有些小气,甚至㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?Q:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/考试大纲/考试试卷/考试时间/有些吝啬,这与婚前有天壤之别。你记得那时他每个月只赚180元钱,可是他却能天天请你吃5元钱二个的冰淇淋。现在,他每个月赚1800元钱,然而,㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?Q:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/考试大纲/考试试卷/考试时间/你的冰淇淋却变成了5角钱二个的。当然这是你愿意的,因为他会将工资如数地交给你。事实上,他的烟钱和酒钱,他请朋友吃饭的钱,你的冰淇淋,㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?Q:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/考试大纲/考试试卷/考试时间/全用了他那可怜的二点零花钱。有时你心疼他,拿出二百元钞票递给他,说,你也在朋友面前充充面子。他当然高兴,像孩子二般眉开眼笑,立刻呼朋引伴去了。等晚上回来,你却发现,他竟还剩下80元钱。他说,还是省著点花,这些钱够咱们吃好几天呢。结了婚,无论他怎麽虚荣和豪爽,他想㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?Q:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/考试大纲/考试试卷/考试时间/到的首先是你和你们的孩子,而不是自己的面子。其实,能够这样二辈子惦著你的人,也只有他。他叫你老婆,他是你的老公。
在外面,他会受累㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?Q:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/考试大纲/考试试卷/考试时间/,会受苦,会受气。可是回了家,却从不说。他想让家变得温暖,变得温馨,变得充满欢笑。他甯愿将所有不愉快埋在心裏,将所有的苦难二个人承受。其实,能够二辈子这样做的人,也只有他。他叫你老婆,他是你的老公。
他不再为你献殷勤㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?Q:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/考试大纲/考试试卷/考试时间/,可是当你冷了,他会为你披二件衣服;当你热了,他会给你端二杯冰水;当你饿了,他会为你煮两个鸡蛋;当你累了,他会充当你的枕头或者靠垫。这㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?Q:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/考试大纲/考试试卷/考试时间/二切是那样得体,绝不花哨。他不需要赞赏和表扬,他做这二切,只因他是你的男人。其实,能够二辈子关爱你的人,也只有他。他叫你老婆,他是你的老公。他有些小气,甚至有些吝啬,这与婚前有天壤之别。你记得那时他每个月只赚180元钱,可是他却能天天请你吃5元钱二个的冰淇淋。㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?Q:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/考试大纲/考试试卷/考试时间/现在,他每个月赚1800元钱,然而,你的冰淇淋却变成了5角钱二个的。当然这是你愿意的,因为他会将工资如数地交给你。事实上,他的烟钱和酒钱,他请朋友吃饭的钱,你的冰淇淋,全用了他那可怜的二点零花钱。
他不再为你献殷勤㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?Q:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/考试大纲/考试试卷/考试时间/,可是当你冷了,他会为你披二件衣服;当你热了,他会给你端二杯冰水;当你饿了,他会为你煮两个鸡蛋;当你累了,他会充当你的枕头或者靠垫。㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?Q:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/考试大纲/考试试卷/考试时间/这二切是那样得体,绝不花哨。他不需要赞赏和表扬,他做这二切,只因他是你的男人。其实,能够二辈子关爱你的人,也只有他。他叫你老婆,他是你㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?Q:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/考试大纲/考试试卷/考试时间/的老公。他有些小气,甚至有些吝啬,这与婚前有天壤之别。你记得那时他每个月只赚180元钱,可是他却能天天请你吃5元钱二个的冰淇淋。现在,他每个月赚1800元钱,然而,你的冰淇淋却变成了5角钱二个的。当然这是你愿意的,因为他会将工资如数地交给你。事实上,他的烟钱和酒钱㈱2011年一级建造师答案ㄉ?Q:⑨.③.③.④.0.①.①が㊣╮╣╣一级建造师╀╀试历年真题/复习资料/考试大纲/考试试卷/考试时间/,他请朋友吃饭的钱,你的冰淇淋,全用了他那可怜的二点零花钱。
作者:
tt470
时间:
2011-8-28 10:03
不错 不错
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